


Not going anywhere

by katychan666



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Every relationship has ups and downs, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Post 3x10, Protective Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 19:53:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15670158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Magic was his everything. It made life easier and because of it, he was useful to people, he could offer his help to people in need. That way, his life had a meaning, he was able to make a difference in people’s lives. But now, that was taken away from him and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Even a month without magic, he was still struggling, more than ever and he just wanted it to stop. He wanted his magic back, he missed it more than anything. And because of him, Alec was paying the price. They would constantly fight, get on each other’s nerves





	Not going anywhere

''Magnus!'' said Alec, walking after Magnus, who was angry. Pissed off. Furious. Betrayed. Alexander did nothing wrong, of course not, this was just on him. It was because of his _father_ that he felt his way. Asmodeus took away from a part of himself, magic, and now he didn't know how to deal with it. Just like now, he was trying to prepare breakfast for Alec, but because he didn't have his magic like usually, he messed up big time. The kitchen was a mess and he actually tried to clean it up with snapping his fingers. But of course that didn't work and his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach when he realised just how much he was relying on magic.

Magic was his everything. It made life easier and because of it he was useful to people, he could offer his help to people in need. That way, his life had a meaning, he was able to make a difference on people’s lives. But now, that was taken away from him and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Even a month without magic, he was still struggling, more than ever and he just wanted it to stop. He wanted his magic back, he missed it more than anything. And because of him, Alec was paying the price. They would constantly fight, get on each other’s nerves. Magnus blamed himself that things were tense lately and he would lash out every time that Alec needed to go back to the Institute, to go on a mission.

That was because it meant Alec leaving him alone and it was when Magnus was alone that he didn’t know what to do with himself. He would just scream or just sit there. Numb. Wishing, hoping, trying to find a way to get his magic back, but after going through countless numbers of books, he found absolutely _nothing._ No, he was going to be stuck like this for good. What he wondered was; did he even have his immortality with him? Probably. If not, he would drop dead a long time ago and he pressed his lips together. Not that it mattered.

Magnus hated himself for how he was acting towards people in his life. He was hurting, yes, but that didn’t excuse him lashing out on Alexander. He took all of his anger onto Alec and the Shadowhunter just took it without saying anything, which even hurt Magnus that much more. And he despised himself. He didn’t want to hurt people that were closest to him, but it was usually like this; when a person was struggling, they usually lashed out at people that were closest to him and Magnus groaned when he heard Alec going after him, but he didn’t stop to turn around.

Magnus went into the living room and in the heap of the moment, threw everything that was on his coffee table down, breaking his whiskey bottle and then he flipped the coffee table over, the glass breaking and he let out a scream, ripping through his lungs. It was a scream of pain, desperation. Alec just stood there and watched, feeling hopeless. Magnus would get these kinds of… breakdowns a lot of times and he just watched it happened, never stopping him. However, Izzy made him realise he needed to do something. To show Magnus he wasn’t alone.

“Magnus,” tried Alec again, but that didn’t made a difference and Magnus kicked the remaining part of the table that was still in one piece and he then dropped down onto his knees, head bowed down as he swallowed back his sobs. Now that he had gotten all of his anger out, there was only emptiness in him. Nothing more and he was horrified when he saw what he did with the coffee table, looking around the room, which was in complete mess now. Great, now he’d have to clean that up the old fashioned way as well.

Magnus started picking up the broken pieces of glass and ended up cutting himself, Alec’s eyes widening when he saw that his boyfriend was bleeding. That was when Alec stepped into the middle of the mess and took Magnus’ wrist into his hand, he other looking up and Alec’s heart twisted when he saw tears in Magnus’ eyes.

“Let me go!” yelled Magnus.

“Stop this. Now,” said Alec. “You’re bleeding, let me help you.”

“Just leave be, Alexander,” said Magnus and withdrew his hand away from Alec. However, the Shadowhunter wasn’t listening and even though Magnus protested, he grabbed his forearm and dragged him to the bathroom, where he could take a closer look at the wound on Magnus’ palm. The cut had to be deep judging by how much Magnus was bleeding and he needed to take care of it. “Alexander, stop it!” said Magnus.

“No, I’m not going anywhere,” said Alec as he was washing Magnus’ wound with cold water and even though Magnus wanted to escape he couldn’t, Alec’s hand holding him in place as he was slowly washing out the blood, opened the drawer since he knew where Magnus had his first aid kid and Magnus only rolled his eyes when Alec started wrapping up his hand, but then when Alec looked his way, Magnus looked down, feeling ashamed.

Alexander was trying to help him, he knew that and he was pushing him away. _Again._ Hadn’t he learned anything? If he was going to act this way, he wouldn’t be surprised if Alec would walk out of his life. He was acting like a complete asshole to his boyfriend lately and he felt his stomach dropping, tears in his eyes and Alec let out a small sigh when he was done with wrapping up Magnus’ hand, hoping that the bleeding would eventually stop. It didn’t look as deep to need stitches, so Magnus should be fine.

“Like this, you’ll be fine now,” said Alec and then looked up, eyes wide when he saw tears rolling down Magnus’ cheek and he panicked. “Did I tie it up too tightly? Does it hurt?” asked Alec quickly, touching Magnus’ wounded hand and Magnus only shook his head, looking down, shoulders shaking as his crying had gotten harder. He was treating Alec like that and he was still so patient and kind to him. “Then what is it? Hey, talk to me,” said Alec softly, gently cupping Magnus’ face and he lifted it up. “Magnus, hey, listen to me. If it’s about magic, I-”

“I’m sorry,” said Magnus and looked up at his boyfriend.

“Whatever for?” asked Alec, looking confused. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yes I did,” said Magnus and shook his head, more tears rolling down his cheeks. “The way I’ve been acting towards you lately… I’ve been horrible to you,” said Magnus and sniffled, Alec quickly shaking his head as he was wiping away Magnus’ tears.

“No,” said Alec and kissed his forehead. “Don’t be sorry. You’ve been hurting, I know that much. So don’t apologise,” said the hunter and kissed Magnus again, whose lower lip started trembling again and he looked down.

“That doesn’t excuse how I’ve been acting towards you,” said Magnus. “And I feel horrible about it, but it’s like I can’t stop it,” said Magnus and let out a sad laugh. “There’s deep hatred deep within me… anger… not directed at you. Of course not. But I just can’t stop snapping at people,” he said as guilt clawed at his chest. “And I’m afraid…”

“Magnus, I know all of that,” said Alec with a little smile and he shrugged. “Hell, I’ve been acting like an ass to you before any of this happened and you’ve forgiven me,” said Alec and took a short pause. “Don’t be afraid, hm? You can trust me with whatever you’re feeling and-”

“I’m afraid you’ll leave me if I continue acting like this,” blurted out Magnus and then allowed tears to wet his face yet again and Alec quickly shook his head.

“What?” asked Alec in disbelief. “Never,” he said quickly. “Every relationship has its ups and downs,” said Alec and gently cradled Magnus’ face, the other slowly lifting his face up, eyes full of fear. He looked so vulnerable, just a single touch would be able to break Magnus and Alec gasped. Magnus didn’t know what to say either and he let out a loud gasp when Alec wrapped his arms around him and just hugged him for a long time, stroking his hair, telling him sweet little nothings into his ear. That calmed down Magnus a bit. Until Alec’s phone buzzed and dread filled Magnus’ heart.

“Duty calls?” asked Magnus when he saw Alec reading the text from Izzy.

“Yep,” said Alec. “Better text Underhill to join them at the mission instead of me,” said Alec and Magnus narrowed his eyes.

“What?” asked Magnus. “Aren’t you-”

“You need me more,” said Alec, making Magnus his priority and a tiny smile spread across his face as he looked down. “I’ll stay with you here,” he said, tucking his phone back into his pocket and rubbed the back of his neck. “We can stay in, we can go out on a date. Whatever you want,” said Alec and gave Magnus a little smile.

“I love you so much,” breathed out Magnus and Alec grinned.

“I know you do,” said Alec and kissed Magnus softly. “Wanna talk about it? The magic thing?”

“I,” stammered Magnus and his voice trailed off. “Can’t. Not yet.”

“Okay,” said Alec and nodded. “It’s okay, whenever you’re ready. Just know you’re not alone and you can be as mad as you want with me, I’m not going anywhere. Remember that as well,” said Alec and Magnus kissed him softly again and again, Alec smiling, happy to see that Magnus cheered up a little bit.

“Move in with me,” suddenly said Magnus when they pulled apart and Alec looked down at him.

“What? I thought you weren’t ready yet and-”

“Forget that,” said Magnus and shook his head. “That was before… I mean,” he said and looked down. “I hate it when you leave. I can’t be alone. At least not at the moment. When you’re with me, I feel like my old self. Kind of. But without you I just… I can’t deal with this on my own. I need you,” said Magnus and Alec quickly nodded.

“Yes. Of course. I’ll move in with you,” said Alec quickly and Magnus let out a small laugh of relief. He didn’t need to think twice about it. Magnus’ loft felt like _home_ , not the Instititue. He had been ready for a while now.

“Thank you,” said Magnus and kissed Alec again. “We better clean that coffee table now and-”

“How about a date instead?” proposed Alec. “Leave the table for later, don’t worry about it. We’ll deal with it later,” said Alec and Magnus looked up again. Yes, that felt a lot more appealing that cleaning the broken pieces of glass. “What do you say?” asked Alec and Magnus quickly nodded.

“Yes.”

“Great.”

“Only if you help me pick out something to wear,” said Magnus and despite the tightness in his chest, he mustered a little smile.

Alec smiled back. “Only if you let me wear something of yours,” he then said and Magnus nodded.

“With pleasure, Alexander,” said Magnus and chuckled when Alec pulled him towards the bedroom. Things weren’t resolved. Not yet. But for a split moment, Magnus allowed himself to be happy and forget about the worries and the pain in his heart. He’d deal with it later. With Alexander. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading  
> Comments and opinions are welcome ;)


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